Yesterday (Wednesday 27) turned out to be a bad one too, again for reasons beyond my ability to comprehend. What is really difficult is knowing you are getting down and you have no control over how fast or how deep. So it becomes a vicious circle time and again.
I should have be so happy yesterday as Angela had her school Awards night where she won a Bronze Academic award, and top of her grade in Art, Music and Information Technology. What a great way for her to finish formal schooling. I AM very proud of her but I couldn't show it. I even became annoyed with her when we got home because she made some derogetry remark about something on TV. The look on her face was enough for me to know it was not right at the time. The problem is simple enough in that I don't like to hear her talking rough or crude even if she is only venting at the time. I reacted the wrong way at the wrong time. And so it goes on. Voicing my opinion becomes, "Dad's in one of his moods again." I feel terrible.
Happiness should have also extended to Robert as he finally got his first hours for his new job at Woolworths at Karalee just down the road from us. Poor guy has been working as a volunteer for nearly two years without pay and now he gets a paying job and I can't get excited for him. To be a little fair to myself, it is not just the kids that are affected, nor just Karen who cops the brunt of it all, it would be anyone around me at the time. It was incredibly hard to go out last night knowing there would be lots of people around and I would have to talk to some of them. Does curling up in a ball mean I am down further than I want to admit?
Today I am just going to write as sitting at the computer is the only place I feel comfortable at the moment. I just want to focus on something pleasant, that has no guilt attached to it and I am not having to socialise with anyone. Time for some more serious thinking but those damn voices get in the way.
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