My thoughts on loss will have to wait, as I don't want this moment to pass without making some comment, but it has been such a long time I'm not sure what to say. Bite the bullet says one voice; another says, be careful, but it feels soooo good!

Okay, I'm feeling quite happy, there it's out. Where most weeks are either the pits or just forgetable, this week has been quite the reverse. We have managed to get over Angela's last day at school although Karen is probably having more trouble than anyone, and positive steps have been taken towards making my future a lot more rosy.

To be accepted as a travel writer for the media it is necessary to have some form of appropriate qualification, you know, that piece of paper that supposedly says the holder is better at XYZ than someone without the piece of paper. Well, through a service available to me through Department of Veteran's Affairs, they will be paying for me to get  a Diploma of Journalism and Media (Freelance Travel Writing and Photography. This is like a Gold Card for a writer as it will provide me with extra priviledges as a journalist, opening many more doors where the general public cannot. Basically it will provide my bona fides when I am seeking information or access to poeple and stories. I will be starting as soon as the material arrives.

While the course is great from a professional point of view, it is even better for my mental well being. I lost so much self confidence and self esteem in my work, probably as long as ten years ago. It was one of the main reasons for my unstable work life. I have also tried on several occassions to re-enter the work force in the last few years but would only last a very short time. Nothing seemed to work for me; everything was difficult, my retention was very limited as was my attention span and concentration.  I didn't like working for anybody and couldn't work to a schedule.

Writing at first was difficult and I really didn't believe I would succeed. Sure people said some of the poetry I wrote was good, but it wasn't that good. I thought about writing a story but knew I would have trouble getting all of the characters and scenes and story lines together. Fiction is not for me. Then, while I was gathering as much information on writing that I could and after joining several groups and subscribing to countless newsletters, travel writing kept creeping into my thoughts. I love to travel; I love relating my travels to others so why not write about it.

Further research, looking at the different assignments travel writers had and speaking to several authors, identified a niche market for travel writers that could supply their own photographs. Editors will accept the story and photos as a single package quicker than from seperate sources. So, by adding my love of photography to my writing ability I was happy becoming a freelance photojournalist specialising in travel. Why? Why was this making me happy? I would be my own boss. I can operate without time restrictions or pressures. I can please myself where I go and what I write about. Basically, I had control of ME, for the first time in years. Yep, that makes me happy.

The second reason is a new camera. As the old one of twenty three years broke recently I needed one now to get on with what I wanted to do. Looked in Saturdays paper for a second hand one to keep me going until my money comes through and found a brand new, unwanted, Nikon F65D SLR still in the box. Bought it without hesitation as it is more than suitable for the moment. Picked it up today and will start using it tomorrow. Almost didn't though as Karen and the kids are buying it for my birthday next week and they didn't want to give it to me yet. I am relieved that Karen relented. Thank you sweetheart, that means a lot to me.

So I am off and walking, looking at what I hope to be a happier future where I am doing something meaningful again. This is the main reason for my current uphoria, I am working at some thing that has purpose and meaning, that is what I have been missing.

Cheers for now.