Ahhhh, the week before Xmas and here I am smiling and looking forward to Xmas day with my wife and children, in-laws and a new addition this year, Jessica, Robert's girlfriend of six months. Jess will be down from Caboulture around lunch time and Robert is going to her place on Boxing Day.

Robert has had to learn this year, that when you have a girlfriend you also have to divide your time between families on special days. And thinking about that,I feel for all the broken and extended families out here who cannot, or do not, see other family members on Xmas day due to legal issues, personal feelings and animosities, and just plain stubborness. Everyone gets hurt in these dramas but they have to be on the increase given the steady rise in seperation and divorce in Australia today.

Personally I will miss sharing the day with my six (that I know of) grandchildren who I have never had the chance to get to know but only because their parents have issues with me that they cannot, or will not resolve. While I hope and pray that one daythings may change, I am not holding my breath. I wonder if anyone else is concerned about the lack of family commitment there is today, or is it just the accepted societal norm now? I really wonder about that and find myself saying that Katie and Sean (daughter and son-in-law) made their own choices in not wanting to see me again, or to believe I was suffering from PTSD. That then is their problem. If they choose that attitude after I have tried to explain the effects of PTSD, then I can do nothing more and I refuse to  depress myself further worrying about them. I wish them well.

The same goes for the others. They choose to live their lives a particular way and as long as they are happy, then I am happy for them but I am sorry for not being able to share and show my love for my grandchildren. Merry Xmas, Janna, Jordan, Benjamin, Tarma, Breanna & Alisha for 2005. Love you all heaps.

This time of the year has always gotten me down, more than likely because of the associated sad thoughts about missing family, but also due to a shortfall in finances. Living off a pension has required a substantial re-think and a less than normal giving Xmas. Actually, financial concerns have played a major part in my anxiety and depression over the years and has been the prime focus in some heated discussion within the house. This year has been different due to our voluntary bankrupcy in June. It has taken a huge weight off our shoulders and we are now able to cope with our everyday expenses without the hassle of "where is that coming from?" I was surprised at the ease in which we became bankrupt and how nice everyone was when it happened. It appears that the social stigma of bankrupcy (for genuine reasons) is no longer a negative but an accepted part of todays social issues.

Tomorrow is my father's 93rd birthday and Karen and I will makes scones and have afternoon tea using my mother's best tea set to commemorate. We started this a few years ago and we intend to continue it for as long as we can. Happy 93rd Dad.

I sincerely wish everyone a very Merry Christmas now matter who, what or where you are. I know everyone among my family friends will spend their day enjoying one anothers company and festive spirit, or simply enjoying having all the family together. While Karen and I will have family around us, we are devoting this Xmas to Jaqualine, our fostered child in Kenya and Wallis, our adopted Orangutan in Kalamantan. Next year I would like to be in a third world country to spend Xmas day with a family thatcannot, or has not been dragged into a commercialised Xmas like we have. I want to experience the raw, sincere and un-commercialised spirit of Xmas through their eyes for a change. Don't ask me why, I just feel I must do it.

MERRY CHRISTMAS AND A HAPPY AND SAFE NEW YEAR TO ALL OF YOU.