This has been the best Christmas and New Year I have had since the last one I spent with Mum. Xmas 1996 was the last time my family were together in the one place and my mother's last Xmas; not that we knew at the time. Karen, Robert and Angela met her for the first and last time in person so we must have known something.

Apart from being with Karen and the kids my highlight this Xmas was the phone call to Tony Simmons in Houston; always a pleasure to talk to him as he never expects it; a call to a new found friend in Calgary, Canada, Fred Kobested, a semi retired photographer and journalist who is overwhelmed by the task of cataloging over 100,000 photos of wild life and rodeos and; a call to a wonderful lady in France who shares our love of Tibetan Spaniels and constantly talks to us on the net. These calls just personalised our friendship just that little bit more and shows them that distance between friends does not have to be a barrier to communication.

It has been a good time to reflect on what has been achieved in 2004, identify what was important and what can be left behind for the scavengers of the unnecessary, gatherers of the negative and the pesermistic antagonists who do not believe in risk taking. They are welcome to it; I no longer want old baggage to carry around for others to throw back at me.

If there is one major achievement in 2004 it it would be my losing a great deal of that worthless baggage that I have toted around for forty years. It is not all gone mind you, but a great weight has been lifted from my shoulders.

How did it happen? Toowong Private Hopsital's Combat PTSD program that I started in January 2004 was the start. Six weeks bearing our soul and facing so many boogey men did, during that first six weeks, start me thinking outside the square and to leave most of my self pity behind. I learnt some good coping skills particularly for the anger, and also for the mood changes, but I also learnt that a more indepth understanding of PTSD and my own self help provided the greatest assistance. I also realised that by using my brain intelegently, providing myself with both mental stimulation and challenges, my memory improved, concentration was much better, my problem solving skills came back and I began to be more positive about myself. To my mind, these advances were gargantuan, but, they did not worry or deter me whereas two months before any one of those improvements would have sent me into an anxiety attack.

The second phase was the hard learnt ability to discuss my issues with Karen without the aggression, anger and frustrations. Karen's determination to understand PTSD and its affects on not only myeslf but on her and the kids went a long way to allowing me to get to that point. If any one of my previous wives or partners had ever tried to understand maybe all of this would not be an issue. It is no wonder Karen expresses her gratitude to my ex's for their failure to become as involved in me as herself. Sounds quite funny but it has a much deeper meaning to me.

MOre to follow.